Please, Not Often

 

I need to surrender to you and this vengeful, bizarre encounter. Abandoning all hope to resist humiliation, although I think I know it is worth it. I doubt myself anyway, not to worry. This will not be taken well. As a point of principle to himself- no victimization- deleted oppression. He needs to forget what he is thinking. Only one chance to over-do it, why not take that chance you are lucky to have been given. Hunger to see the green light.

I see this happening day after day, such a terrible scene, now it is we. What I am witnessing, he is becoming. Not fit for human consumption, this is the personification of small-minded chimps- too many of them lying around. Your time is surely coming. What he tried to present himself as, is the answer to your problems, you are evil company. You know exactly what to say- the surface truth is very rarely the actual truth. The enigma of personality. Think and pay attention, deal with it. What is going to happen next? Not knowing is the exciting part, the genuine sympathy is tilting toward you.

Craving to hear your words, alone. Real serious about friendship, the subtle invitations. Open up. Do not arrive on the collective social blacklist- then you’re in for a hard time. He is inclined to agree that he doesn’t act on his part. Don’t take me seriously, that never works, never seems to work, better yet, learn when to take me seriously. Not often.

On the margins of society, not a difficult way to be, maybe it means something…. Maybe not. Nobody seems to understand at the time- we are winning! In effect, he is ok. He has a high affection for you. Fuck the popular mind; seek to appreciate your own approval. Do not say goodbye, have your own definition of fun and be comfortable with it.

You ask how I feel and why I feel that way, take a look at my story. A moron could figure this one out. We have been here before; you have come as what you deserve to be. Your ability to make him think and act differently is intoxicating, In which he  enjoys greatly.

Routine and happiness, something ruthlessly missed- he longs for it.

Send lawyers, guns and money.

The Rented Mule

The postmen will not deliver the final reminder, figure this out. He became buveur whilst she became mother. Aggravate me, you cackling old fool. Only thing that actually helps me produce anything- I came home to roost y’all. There I go, thinking of myself again, let us think about you.

The beauty got out and inspected her surroundings before committing any crime. Everything went according to plan- do not make me laugh. If anybody should ask, forgive me for what I am looking for. They can’t find any evidence for or against.

What little remains faces south. Going to take a lot of effort to turn this emotion vessel around. Worldly good, do not be afraid. This shall not fall. Escape through the window and into the abyss. Hungry is how I feel. We have managed before and we can succeed again. Let’s not be stupid.

Screams of passionate awe- reverential respect with a hint of fear and wonder. This is the wrong place to be dishonest with you, right time. I’ve said to my reflection: ‘lets get out of this place’.

Climb out of wisdom and disappear- sober, this is easy enough. Staying sober is the hardest part. Very suspicious. Begging is not my business, yet I have made it so in the past and I will make it my business to alter that. Forget that side, out of character- just a strong aspiration. Remember what you will no longer see. Namaste.

I didn’t want this to be the outcome, wrongly and forcefully testifying against myself to you, but you have made it that way. Only for you haven’t succeeded am I overlooking this mess. Not a need for you here. Never a need, yet you crop up in every ‘worse case expansion’. Mainly because you make these situations. Not on board with that! Rumoring false context so that your own life is more fulfilled. Good luck here all your life, ugly inside.

You used to be my voice of reason, maybe only because you were on my team? Swiftly taken a turn for the worse.

Beaten like a rented mule.

Habit or Serpentine

It can be hard to look at you. As much as I like to. Anger is not the issue- difficulty summing up emotion. That doesn’t last long. I understand times are hard, I do. However you could make it easier on yourself, and others for that matter. In the grand scheme of things, times are easy. Only to get harder now. You’re a child, we all are. Let us have fun all together, it can escalate quickly.

Change is necessary for accomplishment though. Yet I am perplexed to your intentions. I have a good idea, previously worked for nobody. I know what I desire although time change. Too much interest in you, as you can recognize.

 I will reiterate- its hard to look at you, whilst sometimes I don’t want or need to be.  It’s hard to exist outside this place. A constant worry of hazardous expectation. Don’t go anywhere. As much as I want to, I know that I do not, I still will though. You’re doing it again, is this out of habit? Or is the serpentine coming to play? Why cause this to happen. Slowly becoming transparent yet my views are not changing. They should be but you are firmly anchored into the mind. This is all too convenient; it is not suited for somebody that weak.

The fata morgana is becoming more clear- a supreme mirage being discovered. An Italian phrase derived from the loosely translated Latin for ‘fairy’; there is a belief that these unknown images on the horizon were fairy castles in the air. False land, created by her witchcraft to lure sailors to their death. Am I occupying such false land? A distorted object based on no truth. Completely unrecognizable but yet completely significant. Rapid changes stacked on top of one another. Nothing that anybody can do, sick and tired of this life- starting to believe this isn’t for me.

As we have heard before: a little too much for me. Teetering on the edge of going insane. One of these days it is going to happen, it is inevitable. Too much stress, only one person to blame. Imprisoned in a dead and dying world.

Lets talk this over, one more time. 

The Washed Up Fool

I’ve never tasted anything so good before. Man, turn out the light, too early for such ventures. ‘Things are looking up’ my acquaintance expelled. Let’s go, no time like the present.

You don’t know your in the good ol’ days until you they’re over.  That’s a big issue. Living for tomorrow. This pause has become alien, time to forget, this isn’t the time to return. Why the hurry? On further thought, why return at all. After longing to be heard, you have listened. The truth hurts sometimes. Don’t go back! That’s the unconscious trail anyway. Not many times has it been catalyzed to its potential. Here goes specimen i. From a secluded sun-spelled beach to a dark dreary quicksand, engulfing you slower and more frustrating than you think possible. The sort of beast who captures you from within, its in your head.  That’s you I’m afraid, struggle to your demise or apprehend it’s over and look forward to what is next. It’s an odd feeling, to be aware of something for a long time but for emotion or disavowal to take over and make you partially conscious to what is actually happening. A feeling of repentance for past actions is never going to leave the soul. Stuck with him now, like a scar worn brashly on his forehead. Unconditionally a difficulty, it was for him. An idea that meant too much to oversee- quickly became a personal obsession. If not a goal. To accomplish some sort of peculiar achievement, in which he sets out to prove to himself, that he is no such washed up fool.

He nearly saw me. Then I would have been in trouble, Lucifer that lies beneath would have greeted him with no gesture, none. Blank, ready for confrontation, all hell would have broke loose then son. Nobody wants that! Definitely not going to happen, eventually dead or imprisoned if your not careful chief. I think I will stay here; I have everything I need to succeed. A little motivation wouldn’t cost much surely. Hopefully not. Without a care for me. Not one gram of doubt. A gram of anything else though, if it were going, would come in handy. Only if it’s going.

Curious to see. I just cant leave it I'm afraid. Although I'm beginning to doubt myself. Names are made. I don’t have it in me. As much as I would like to. You are not being as fair as I would like you to be. Not as fair as you can see. You have done this before and you know you are doing it again. Good morning sunshine.