Whittled down to the biggest lie, Nice- Only Nice

Do you enjoy not making this easy, why do you have to perform this way? You know what and how I am feeling, too much self-pride. Who gives a fuck? Don’t lead me down this road only to tell me that it was never open in the first place. Or more accurately lead me down this road to let me guess it was never open, you’re traveling with me, only when you think I am turning back, laughing in pity and satisfaction. You have me where you want me, you are fully aware. I have said it before and I will say it again, be straight with me. Obviously as we have seen so clearly, that is not possible. Your screwing with me more than you know. Wouldn’t come as a surprise to discover that you do know. You can sense the anger now. I hope.

I need to lay it on the line without seeming like a chump. Although you don’t know me, you know the person I am. Naïve little shit. You have made decisions and encouraged me to act on them, slowly making my life worse to attend to the tyrant you have become. Madness in all directions, you know, you just know. You know I know, and you know I will not question. I realize this but have a strong desire to look the other way. For only one reason, 'take care'.

All words no action. Well, little action. Its easy to just get by. The bare minimum to keep one interested without coming to terms with the real situation. When you think it has become whittled down to its bare, inner core, you are right back on the podium wrapping many layers upon the biggest lie.

If I know this is the case, then why would one continue? Disbelief maybe? It has taken a supreme mind to conjure up such deceitful path. Where does a solitary individual have the time, let alone imagination, to figure such a complex negative path for others to fulfill. This is ruining peoples views and thoughts yet you are always there with a blissful smile and temperament of gold, or so I thought.

Devilish charisma beyond a second glimpse. Practice and misapplication of positive movements lead only to betrayal, deception and negative emotion. You state that it is not good for me to partake in such excursions, yet you are the one, the only one, pushing me further and further over the edge of reality. Headspace becoming a tangled thread of cloth in the underside of a tatty garment, being left to scramble for all it can. Whether you are aware of your doings or not is irrelevant. It is still being carried out. I have my suspicions that you do. There is no evidence to conclude either thought. I only have my better judgment to rely on, which as we have seen, has not been so reliable in the past.

Stuck in the middle, slowly and quickly going insane. I owe it all to you.

I am afraid I cannot do this anymore, as much as I want to. This is a totally fresh experience, which I never want to reenact. Why you have such profound effect on a person is known and understood, yet despised and overlooked. As addictive as the opiates you steer well away from. As moreish as the sweet you bring. Lay with me, that will be all I ask. But you can vanish- it has been nice- Only nice.